The Dreadful Tale of Foolish Norman and the Television Licence

It almost makes me cry to tell,
What terror Norman did befell,
For Norman watched his big TV,
But didn't pay his licence fee!
'The telly's crap, it should be free'
'I don't care, they won't catch me'

(The year was nineteen seventy-three!)

But Norman watched the news and sport,
'Panorama' and 'Crown Court’
The Sunday film, the Wednesday play
He watched for thirteen hours a day!
He watched it with his eyes agog,
He even watched the epilogue!

(It was, in Chinese, the year of the dog!)

Sipping on a glass of liquor,
He saw the world with Alan Whicker
Watched the match with Jimmy Hill,
Pulled his pud at Miss Brazil!
'I don't care, they won't catch me;'
'Bloody telly...Should be free!'

(The year was nineteen eighty three!)

When the nineties start to loom
Norman rarely leaves his room,
The next ten years are just the same,
Now he's getting old and lame,
But he watched it, all for free
'I won't pay that bloody fee!'

(The year was two thousand and three!)

There is no point in me pretending,
This story has a happy ending,
Norman never got a fine,
Or scooped up in a fishing line,
No one knocked upon his door,
He just watched telly, more and more.....

Continued: Part 2