The Quite Appalling Tale of Shockhoodpeter's Pet Snake

Young Shockhood thought, ‘I want a mate,
‘I know… I'll buy a giant snake.’
So armed with all the cash he gets,
From stolen phones and schoolyard threats,
To ‘Reptile Ron's’ he makes to wander,
And buys himself an anaconda!
He's stronger than a herd of bison.
Shockhood thinks he'll call him ‘Tyson!’


A large supply of cats he'll need,
If Tyson is to get his feed,
And that's just what kind Peter gets,
From small ads marked ‘Unwanted Pets’,
He calls, collects, and what a steal!
Another slap-up snakey meal!
Tyson lives 'neath Peter's bed,
All round and coiled with eyes of red.


One day after school is done,
Young Shockhood tells his friends to come,
To skull some cans of Special Brew,
And maybe chase the dragon, too!
Dad's at work and mum's away,
So Shockhood knows it's safe to play
With Slappy Gus and ‘Monkey’ Yates,
And several of his other mates.


No sooner have they set to sniff,
And get that lovely toxic whiff,
Than Tyson slides from Shockhood's bed,
And swallows Gus from feet to head,
‘That's so cool,’ laughs ‘Monkey’ Yates,
‘Your snake just ate our f*****g mate!’
‘Yeah,’ says Shocky, smiling too,
‘And look, he's took a shine to you…’

Continued: Part 2