Now her stomach's really slowing,
Sounds like a herd of cattle lowing,
Now she bends to pick-up keys,
A tiny fart she thinks she'll squeeze,
But what in heaven's name was that?
It sounded like a dying cat!
It's ripped right through her Calvin Kleins,
Someone dial 999!
The ambulance arrived too late,
To see her stomach detonate
But found a stinking pile of offal,
Enough to put you off your waffle!
Some yards away upon the ground,
Her gluteus are later found;
Alas, Alack Poor Lizzie, Why?
What a senseless way to die!
No more will you ever say,
'I only want a scrumptious bowl of low-calorie, 100% organic, fat-reducing bean,
cabbage and lentil soup today!'