The Terrbile Story of Frederick and The Daily Mail

It makes me sallow eyed to tell,
The horror that poor Fred befell,
His little girls went out one day,
And left their father home to play.

The Daily Mail chanced to be seen
Among a pile of magazines,
His little girls said 'Daddy Please,
Don't read this mindless racist sleaze.'

But when he'd mowed the lawn that morning
Frederick came in, bored and yawning,
And sat upon his favourite chair,
And opened up the paper there.

The pussy cats saw this,
And they began to hiss,
And stretch their claws,
And raise their paws
'Me-ow,' they said, 'me ow, me-oh'
'You’ll tut to death if you read so!'

But Fredrick wouldn't take advice,
He thought it was so very nice,
To fill himself with bitterness,
In mindless patriotic bliss!

The pussy cats saw all,
And they began to call,
'You'll fill your head
With hate and dread!'
'Me-ow,' they said, 'me-ow, me-oh'
'You'11 tut so much, your head will blow!'

'You'll read about asylum seekers,
Loony lefties, nasty streakers,
The evils of computer games,
How foreigners are all to blame,
For messing up the NHS,
And Europe's in an awful mess,
And children don't know how to spell,
And teenagers should go to hell,
For fraud and drugs and rising crime,
'It's not like in your parents time'

Continued: Part 2